It was a looooooong weekend filled with anxiety, impatience, and discouragement… and that was mainly because I discovered that the Chicago Bears had an off week.
It also had to do with the fact that my wife and I traveled to the hospital ready to deliver a baby only to be sent back home due to a false alarm. Let’s try one more time with feeling Darth Vader.
It was a major bummer, but I guess this baby is just not ready to enter the world yet. It’s a stubborn little thing, which is actually comforting to me because that is proof that it is indeed my child. Not that there was any concern about that =)
To update the masses, her contractions are only a few minutes apart, but she is only having uncomfortable contractions instead of the mind-numbing excruciating ones the doctors want from her before we can go back to the hospital. So, now we play the waiting game. It might be today, but it might also be next week. Ugh.
Speaking of “ugh” here are three words I heard floating around the delivery room that I NEVER want to hear again:
- Bloody show. If I wanted to see a “bloody show” I would rent a zombie movie. Seriously, the term should be erased from the Wonderful World of Pregnancy Dictionary. I’m not even going to tell you what images come to mind when I think of this. All I’ll say is that the mental images would require mops, buckets, gloves, towels, and a carpet cleaning bill through the roof!
- Mucus Plug. This term does some serious damage to my imagination. I recommend changing it to the "baby stopper” or the “internal cork” instead. A cork popping makes me think of happy things. Champagne toasts. Celebrations. Parties. Fun. It would be so much better to hear my wife say, “Honey, my internal cork just popped, I think it’s time we get this party started!”
- Lightning crotch. Ouch. I literally squirm every time I hear this term. I imagine someone taking jumper cables and attaching them to my groin and turning the juice up to eleven. I hereby change the term to “pregnant tingles.”
