Worst. Game. Ever.

     It's time to play a fun game I like to call "It's Time To Grow Up, Sell Your Cool Toys, And Buy Responsible Stuff For Your Family: The Game of Life Edition." The title is a work-in-progress, but I think it conveys the type of game the player is getting into before playing it. The rules are straightforward. You take something that you cherish in life, wave the magic wand over it, and see what life does to it after you have grown up and had a child. But what better way to show you how to play than by actually providing you with real-life examples from my life.

     Let's take my awesome Fender Squier bass guitar I bought way back in college. It was my pride and joy for many years. College came and went and it quickly became apparent that I would not be touring the world in a successful ska/punk band. I got married and bought a house. Money got tight. Alright, let's grab that magic wand and see what this turned into.

ALAKAZAM!

 

AWESOME! A new Hoover Wind Tunnel vacuum cleaner.  Thanks, life! Who needs rock n' roll when you have a five position height adjustment handle with a 27-foot retractable power cord?

     Let's use another more recent example, shall we? Since the ska/punk venture did not pan out, I tried to mimic the lifestyle anyway and purchased a scooter.  I had many adventures riding that beauty around the suburbs of Chicago wearing my checkered helmet.  Okay, time to wave that little life-crushing wand over my 2006 Lance Vintage scooter and see what that got me.

 

ALAKAZAM!

OH, SWEET! A new home water filtration system. Check that off my Christmas wish list, Santa!

     I can do this all day, but let's just do one more example for giggles. How about my Xbox 360 gaming device. It has provided me with countless hours of escapism and pure enjoyment since 2008.

 

ALAKA...

 Not this time, magic wand. This game is stupid. I quit.