Wow, I have officially kept a baby alive for a month now. I guess my wife had some part in that as well, but more points go to me for not dropping and/or stepping on him as of yet. Only 215 months to go until he reaches 18! Experience tells me I will not last that long.
I had one scare a few weeks back when I was holding him with one arm while he was sleeping on my chest. He suddenly decided to imitate a fish out of water and tried to flop out of my arms (he's so smart). If not for my superior Jedi reflexes, he might have had a few “owies” on his head. I’m just glad his mother was not there to see it. Other than a minor incident involving him somehow actually peeing in his own mouth, we are still ZERO days without a lost time accident. If you knew me at all, that is a HUGE accomplishment.
And now for something completely different.
There is a right way, a wrong way, and a manly way to swaddle a baby. You may be thinking, “But Kyle, isn’t the manly way just the wrong way?” I say to that, “Yeah…but faster!” Without further ado, here is the wrong manly way to swaddle a baby.
First, place the baby on your swaddling material. I am using a 100% cotton brand for my baby, but your old band t-shirt or Sunday’s newspaper would work in a pinch just as well.
Second, wrap him up tighter than a hipster's jeans.
Just a few strips here and there and VOILA!
FYI: The baby above is NOT actually wrapped up in duct tape. It just looks like he is. Please do not sue me.
Done and done. Note the peaceful look on his face while he is blissfully dreaming his worries away.
You're welcome. The end.
