The Womanly Baby Blog

     Everyone loves a good story about blood, urine, and fainting, right?  Well, sit back and let me whittle you a tale. 
     I woke up around three in the morning to do my nightly pee (yes, I am an old man with a bladder the size of a walnut). My wife beat me to the bathroom only to find out she had a lot of blood “down there.”  I guess she overdid it the day before and...well, I will just stop there.   It was gross.  Needless to say I got a front row seat to the horror show and I got to see what blood clots look like up close and personal.  I am a wuss when it comes to these things (see this for examples).  I quickly left the crime scene and went downstairs to use the unused bathroom near the kitchen.  As I finished doing my business I noticed tiny stars forming over my pupils.  I guess my body decided it needed a reboot after what it just witnessed.  Here was my thought process:

“Oh boy, I am starting to black out.  I better finish peeing and move to the floor before I…..”

-Ten minutes later-

“Why do I have a sheet over my head that smells like mildew and why does my bed feel exactly like the bathtub?”

That's me, only whiter

     You see I blacked out and crashed into the bathtub taking the entire shower curtain and metal rod with me.  After putting the pieces together in my head I started laughing out loud thinking about a video I saw of a bunch of goats who would faint at the slightest noise.  Leave it to me to think of a youtube video right after a traumatic experience.    

 

      I also laughed because we had a college friend staying with us ten feet away from the bathroom and I was just praying she would not come to investigate the crash to find a half-naked man legs up lying in the tub wrapped in a shower curtain.  Thankfully she did not hear me and that there was no blood (and more importantly no urine) to  be found on my body.  

     I spent the rest of the morning writhing on the couch fighting to keep myself from vomiting and then losing that battle over and over again.  I'm still a little weak and sore, but I'll live.  My pride was the thing that got hurt the most.  I pray that my baby grows up to be more manly than me.  Overall, it was a crazy night, but I guess it was just another Manic Monday.