I have been anxiously waiting for the day when my child surpasses the IQ of a common house cat. Has that happened yet? Let's play a game called, "Is My Child More Sentient Than My Cat?"
Cleanliness
My cat (aka Samewise Gamgee, aka Sammy, aka Sam, aka Samuel Jeremiah Jenkins) loves to clean himself daily. Like most felines, he will spend the majority of the day licking every square inch of his body until he is pristine. Not true for my son. Like the cast of Jersey Shore, my 14-month old can literally sleep in his own waste and not mind one iota. Even more so, he poops in the tub and continues to drink the soapy water. Cat 1, Baby 0.
Sustenance
Both baby and house-cat require "big people" to feed them; however, the cat will drink from the toilet if he is thirsty. My child treats the toilet as a water park attraction. Also my cat will eat, vomit ten minutes later, and then eat the vomit, so that's gotta count for something. Cat 2, Baby 0.
My cat counting his moment for vengeance.
Sleep
According to the interweb, cats live 50% of their lives in light sleep. They can out-sleep a college student any day of the week. My baby covets his sleep as well, but when he gets overtired, he defies all logic and goes into Hulk mode. Samuel Jeremiah Jenkins has never done that. When he gets tired he will literally sleep anywhere.
Cat 3, Baby 0.
Recreation
Give a cat a piece of string and he will play with it all day. Give a child a piece of string and he will immediately eat it and then cry if you leave the room. Cat 4, Baby 0.
Waste Managment
Poop is unpleasant, so it is best to do it somewhere where you're not going to end up sitting/sleeping in it. Cats get that point pretty much the first day they are born. My child is 459 days old and he still has a cavalier attitude towards defecation. Cat 5, Baby 0.
Problem Solving
Human babies realize that the giants who carry them around all day will
do anything for them and can be easily controlled through crying
(tempered with an occasional smile, hiccup, or fart to keep the giants'
spirits up). My child has learned very quickly he can rule over the household like a feudal lord over his fiefdom. He doesn't even have to blow his own nose. Well played, baby. Well played. Cat 5, Baby 1.
Well, looks like the cat wins...for now. Give him another year and the tables will (hopefully) turn. If he has inherited my intellect, add a few more years to that.
The end.
